Packing them off to nursery

This week marked the childrens first full days in nursery whilst I went to work, and already parent guilt has set in. They spend roughly 10-11 hours a day in childcare, that’s longer than the average working day!
They have breakfast, lunch AND dinner at nursery – so basically they live there and just come home to sleep.
Is this what being a working mum is? I’ve worked since Xander was just a few months old, but I was freelance and could pick and choose the projects I wanted, ones that would let me work from home or just a few days away. Now I’m all grown up and have a full time job in an office and a house in London – freelancing just isn’t secure enough anymore.
Was I kidding myself when I thought that I could do this? I’ve been through tougher times for sure, but nothing plucks the heart strings more than walking away from my children at 7:30 every morning, knowing that I wont see them till at least 6:00 that night.
Am I really strong enough to do this? How do working mums cope with this guilt? 😦

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A New Start

… Aaaaand I’m back.

Updated to-do list:

1. Find house
2. Rent house
3. Furnish house
4. Move children to new house
5. Find childcare
6. Register with a GP
7. Get specialist care sorted for Xander
8. Remember to eat and sleep

The past 3 weeks has been complete madness.  I found and successfully rented a new house, relocated my children from Hereford to London fully and started on the long and perilous journey of being a working mum with 2 young children in a new place.
My eldest child Xander has special needs and this makes things a little more complicated. All of the specialist help he had back in Hereford needs to be found here in London – and that means back to the bottom of the waiting list for everything! Early starts (5am!) and full working days means I’m in bed by 9pm, and my love-life, well, lets not even go there. And yet I’m ridiculously happy.

Anyone that knows me will know that my past year was hellish. Away from my children, struggling to save for a house deposit, getting sick, loved ones getting sick, and so on. But I struggled through. I guess you don’t realise how strong you are until you’re forced into a situation where its fight or lose everything.

Its really not possible to describe the absolute overwhelming pain when life forces you to leave your children behind – for any length of time. Being a parent changes you in deep and unknown ways, and not being able to do the simplest things from having breakfast with my children to reading them a bedtime story left me feeling like I had this huge empty black space inside of me.

So although it quite literally hurts my brain to wake up at 5am, I do it with a smile on my face knowing that I’m waking up to the most important people in my life; my children.

And so begins my new life. Here’s to Happiness and Joy all round.

आनन्द  Ānanda.

Photo credit: Cieleke @ Flickr

Date Day

New Year’s resolution; creation of Date Day.

Once a month my other half and I will dedicate one full day to Us. This does not exclude the possibility of any other days out or activities during the month, but will act as a guaranteed 100% sure thing that other obligations such as work/life/work will not interfere with.

A busy life is good, but one must always make time for the important things. Priorities in correct order. Life balance.

Image credit: gf97127272 on Flickr